I had a friend

Despite all of our best efforts, we still follow in the footsteps of our parents. I am so sorry for you loss. That trauma was likely insurmountable regardless of the friendship you could have offered. I hope his family and yours get peaceful rest in the near the future.

Blame him for his selfish actions, not yourself. You are not responsible for his choices.

That sucks. I watched House of Manning or whatever it was called on SEC network and they showed how Archie’s dad committed suicide around his freshman year at ole miss. While you can see the sadness in his eyes to this day, Archie really did an excellent job channeling that horrific pain into nurturing his sons. It really gave me a newfound admiration for that entire family.

Terrible to hear your buddy couldn’t overcome that pain.

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wondering if I could have done more

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What could you have done? He didn't tell you that he was suicidal and the most recent communications were text messages saying he was fine. You can't be expected to read his mind.

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You may not be able to stop whats coming, but don't end up like me sitting here wondering if I could have done more.

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It sounds like you did those things and both brought joy and eased pain along a path that you couldn’t truly change

The best you can do is say “frick that selfish Mo f’er and move on”.

I learned that talking to guys in my son’s unit. They have made a habit out of shaming the suicider and it is working.

Suicide sucks I’ve lost friends and relatives to it, but at the end of the day frick those selfish mother frickers.

Every one of us has our own internal struggles, and sometimes we have demons too.

I think the world could become such a better place if everyone actually took the time to pay attention to people who are 6 foot in front of one another than what is on a 6-inch screen. That, taking time to truly listen to understand, and showing compassion and grace.

As a whole, it's wishful thinking, I realize that. But the impact would far be more gratifying and fulfilling than the things we get that are temporary fun or sometimes what we confuse as mattering.

Death can often be traced to organ failure, heart, liver, kidneys and lungs. Suicide is tied to brain failure.

I have seen it in my family and friends. I have seen near suicide several times.

There is not a one size fits all explanation

I know a few people who have dealt with this in their lives. One who processed the whole situation (both his father and grandfather did this) and was able to conclude he was not ever going to do that to his son and he broke the cycle. I also know some brothers who found their dad after he killed himself when they were young teens. Both wandered into reckless lifestyles with drug use, drug dealing, and unsavory associations. Both also pulled back from that but the older brother had a lot of difficulty and wandered back and forth until he ultimately OD'd. The other turned his life around and is the pastor of the church I attend. I knew them back then and my brother and I actually tried to help his brother out but ultimately we were unsuccessful. This is a sins of the father type of situation and is very difficult to break through.

As men, we all need to think about the effect our actions can have on our kids. How our daughters interact with men and how our sons try to find their place as a man are affected by how they percieve us and what we show them.

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You may not be able to stop whats coming, but don't end up like me sitting here wondering if I could have done more.

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I know this is probably meaningless coming from this place but I do understand and, while it is good to do some self evaluation, I would say don't dwell here. No matter what you do, you will always wonder this in these situations. We are only responsible for our actions, so you can try harder to be there if you have an opportunity in the future but many times that is not enough because they cannot see clearly and you may not be the person who can make them. There may be no one that can. Still try but don't beat yourself up if things go the wrong way, at least not for too long.