How do people cope with separation or divorce?

Golf. Drink. Gamble. Repeat.

Do the short term thing for awhile then look for something more stable when it’s out of your system.

Are you struggling because you didn’t want the divorce? Or because the divorce is difficult?

My advice is to just try to be as nice to each other as you can. All the things you may argue over during the divorce won’t really matter in the long run.

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My brother recommended listening to Jordan Peterson

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Nothing against Jordan Peterson, but listening to him while going through a divorce, and understandably having a tough time with it wouldn’t be my first choice.

I’ll answer from my perspective. Happened to me 11 years ago.

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How do people keep their minds from going to crazy dark places and handle their shite?

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Fact is, you can’t. The human mind is the most amazing and most dangerous thing on the planet at the same time. The best way forward is for you to get to the mindset that these thoughts and feelings are normal for what you’re going through. Once you accept the normalcy of it, it happens less and less. And it won’t happen until you’re ready. People, like me, will tell you what to do and how to cope, but the fact is, you’re the only one who decides when and how you’re going to start to step forward again.

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This is unbelievably hard. I just want to reset my brain or something.

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It is hard. Behind the death of a spouse or child, it’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. But you don’t want to reset your brain. You need these experiences. They are part of what it means to be human. It’s how we learn and grow to be better people in the future.

Lastly, yes, Jordan Peterson is a great resource. But don’t just watch his videos. Buy the 12 rules for life and 12 more rules for life books and begin the process of making yourself a better person. Then get other books to help you along the path. I’d also recommend the Bible if you’re of that nature. It sure got me through some rough days.

Whether the split was your doing or not, focus on the only thing in this world you can control. Yourself.

Get back to the basics.
Who are you?
What do you believe in?
What person do you want to be going forward?
Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5 years?
Do it.

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Focus on self improvement as much as you can.

Workout and get into better shape. Learn to cook well and focus on eating well. Learn a new language or hobby, something active preferably to expel excess energy. Physically exhausting yourself will help.

Once your brain calms some, read about whatever interests you.

It isn’t the same for everyone but making yourself “better” can help you short term to focus and have long term benefits.

I’ve been through some shite, but divorce was the most difficult thing I’ve gone through. It wasn’t because I was losing my wife, but I was losing my kids and the life that I knew.

In the short term, you have to occupy your time. I’d spend 2-3 hours in the gym everyday day back then. Read. I’m partial to books about the Vietnam war and was reading 2 books a week back then. Partake in a hobby or two.

The key is to not to feel sorry for yourself and force yourself to move on. I use to look in the mirror and talk myself up. Sometimes yelling at my self to buck up. In my case, I had two kids that needed me so I used that. I also used the fact that there was no way in hell this bitch was going to win.

You will be ok. It will get better. This will not define you.

Going through divorce sucksss and it might seem like the end of the world but let me tell you. Once you come out on the other end (life is great). I was married to a shitty person and was still hurt when we divorced but once i was removed from that life i was able to open my eyes and realize there is so much better out there. As for how to manage when going through divorce and speration...best advice i can give is just to concentrate on yourself. Excercise is great therapy. Its a stress reliever and gets you looking good and helps with your self confidence.