re: Beef with girlfriend. Curious to hear from both genders about who's right/wrong.

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When it’s possible to do what you want AND appease your SO, you take that route. It’s the right thing to do and it pays off in the long run.

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i agree. but you are assuming that he can do both, which has not been confirmed by the OP, and until it is, it has to be assumed that he can do only one or the other.

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If he makes both work then everyone is happy and in the future when something actually important comes up (not his buddy moving) he can point back to this moment as evidence that she is important and he would make it work if he could but this time he has to cancel plans to deal with whatever came up.

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you're smoking crack if you think that is actually how that conversation would play out with this or any other woman. you're also saying that helping his buddy move is not "actually important" when it clearly is to him.

you are making nothing but assumptions and subjective opinions stated as fact to support your argument.

Right. as a girl, i don’t see it as a power play either. I see it as what’s right/ being honorable/ being a good person.

The friend needs his help. The girlfriend wants him at a party.

It’s not a wedding. It’s not a 50 year anniversary for her parents. It’s her sister’s bday party.

Helping a friend who has helped you in the past trumps a possible sister in law’s bday party. It’s that simple

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This is the part that is most laughable to me. Who the frick cares whether an SO goes to your sisters birthday party? I guess that might be important to his gf for whatever retarded reason but being loyal to a friend that helped him move in the past and returning the favor seems to be important to OP. She needs to respect that.

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I think it has more to do with the fact that he made plans with his SO, and then attempted to cancel them. His friend moving isn't some sort of emergency, his friend sounds like a dumbass. He probably didn't even attempt to schedule movers, he's just trying to save a buck by getting his friend to help him move.

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you're smoking crack if you think that is actually how that conversation would play out with this or any other woman.

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You need to seek better quality women in your life.

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you're also saying that helping his buddy move is not "actually important" when it clearly is to him.

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It’s important to him cuz he’s young and dumb. I get that he wants to be there to help his buddy but 10 years down the road that guy is probably gonna have his own family and they will hang out once every 6 months or so and neither will remember whether or not he helped him move that one time.

If he marries this girl, she will always remember that time he missed a significant event for her family to help his buddy move some boxes.

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I was supposed to attend her sisters birthday party in a few weeks.
A lifelong friend just accepted an offer on his house that stipulates that the buyers get occupancy 7 days after closing.

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He's should start the moving process now. Should take 7 days much less 7 days plus a few weeks.

Depending on how serious you are with this girl, she's pissed for a couple of reasons.

First, you made a commitment and now you're trying to get out of it.

Second, this isn't her friends birthday, it's her sister. I imagine there will be some other family members there, namely her parents. Probably best for you, if this is a serious relationship, put on a good face in front of the family.

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My husband and I have been together 24 years, and with that has come a lot of compromise.

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One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in marriage and in life is don’t just point out the problem, offer a solution, or at least try to offer a solution. At the very least bring her on to your team and say “hey, how can WE figure this out.”

The second it’s 2 people dug into their side with no thought to the other you have a 17 page thread on the OT board about a birthday party vs helping a buddy move.

The good news is that OP seems like a decent guy. He’s not trying to bail to go float a river with his buddies, he’s trying to be a good friend. The issue is that he’s putting being a good friend above being a good boyfriend. Compromise is the answer unless he views either the GF or the friend as expendable then he can choose one over the other. And in all honesty, I doubt his friend will stop talking to him if he can’t help him move from start to finish.

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I was going to show her results of this thread

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Seriously, if you value both relationships, then figure out a way to do both. Just give your friend a set time you have to split. Wake up at 5:00 am and start early if you have to. Where there’s a will there’s a way. “Helping a friend move” probably won’t go over well as an excuse. Had a relative’s spouse who never came to stuff and always had lame excuses, it leaves a bad taste. Even if your friend actually needs you.

It’s on your friend, not you, to figure out the move. Can’t make other people’s problems your own.

This all assumes you’re serious with the gf. If it’s already not going well then you have an opportunity to end it and help your pal.

If it was me:

1. I hate moving. really, really hate moving

2. I don't like birthday parties, but hate moving more

3. It's like really hot outside, plus I hate moving

4. Girlfriend wins... Tell lifelong friend to hire help and give him $$ if he needed.