re: Bring Us Your Roommate Horror Stories

I had a roommate in the Air Force named Jared. Dude looked like a coked out Ryan Phillippe. My previous roommate, who was cool as shite, got out of the F and moved back home. I definitely could afford the rent($340/month for a two bedroom) but Jared wanted to get out of the dorms so I let him move in.

I lived in an apartment complex next to a really nice Mexican couple who would bring me leftovers all the time. Well, Jared would have parties when I was at work and the cops would be called all the time and since his name wasn't on the lease, I would always get in trouble.

He once brought home this nasty arse girl from the club and I woke up the next day and couldn't find my chocolate syrup so I knocked on his door and the dude told me he inserted the chocolate syrup in that chick and ate it out. He also brought another girl home who tried flushing her tampon out and got the toilet clogged and then for some reason, sprayed my shaving cream all over the bathroom. I kicked him out after that.

He ended up getting kicked out for cocaine. Go figure. I know remember him always wiping his nose when he lived with me. He's dead now(car wreck)

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he inserted the chocolate syrup in that chick and ate it out

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Who hasn't had a night like this?

Not me but A friend had a stoner roommate at SLU in the mid 90's. Buddy came back from class to find roommate sleeping on couch. went to work then straight out. Came home early AM, roommate still sleeping. Went to class next day, you guessed it, still sleeping. I guess you know where this is going, roommate was dead. I think he OD'd before it wasn't as prevalent as now.

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He’d then say “I’m thawry” and put his dick up.

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Ok, literally made me lol

Nothing crazy. Had one stealth move in with us. When his computer was set up on my table, I was like, "Motherfricker, that computer better be paying rent."

At the start of my Sr. year I found myself with nowhere to live. My dad kinda sorta knew a guy in town that built/owned some small 4 unit apts and had a room to rent. 2 br / 1 bath fully furnished bottom floor. BUT, his freshman son was in the other room. Had just moved back from living with his mother in Texas. No car. his dad locked it up because the kid lost his license. Dad was ex Marine and the son didn't appreciate his sense of responsibility, to put it mildly. First month, his bike got stolen, although he might have sold it, I don't know. Never studied. Would bring friends over to late night watching TV that was just on the other side of my bedroom wall. One of his friend's dad ran a laundromat and they'd go get quarters from the machines and play pool which was fine as long as they stayed away from the apt. Ended up flunking out that qtr. and dad made him move in with him. I got the use of the apt for the next 2 qtrs all to myself. Pretty sweet.

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Had a deaf roommate in college that was addicted to porn and wacking. He always cranked it in the living room and never heard me walk in the door when I got home from class.

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Neither of you could hear the other person coming.

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He would turn the thermostat up to 80 because he liked it warm. Also, wiped his arse and put the TP in the trash bin instead of flushing it

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Was he Asian, by chance?

I was rooming with two guys. One dude had his shxt together, the other guy was constantly late on rent and bills and one day he just disappeared without notice and owing the other guy like 500 bucks. No one ever heard from the guy again.

A month passes. We find a new roommate. Our old roommates stuff is still there. We got to make room for our new roommate, so we hold a little get together, get hammered, and make a bon fire in the backyard of all his Earthly possessions. It was fantastic we nearly set the house on fire.

The next morning our new roommate stops by. Unbeknownst to us, he had left a laundry basket full of his favorite T-shirts and assorted hippie clothing in what was to be his new room.


He was very understanding and moved in anyway. We paid his share of utilities for 3 months to make up for torching part of his wardrobe.

My freshman roommate at LSU who has been one of my best friends since middle school one time pissed in a to go cup when he was stoned and didn’t feel like getting up to go to the bathroom. He didn’t tell me this and the next morning I knocked over said cup. There was a Katrina level flood of piss all over our room.

Also, our suite mate one night before an LSU game came home blackout at 3 AM and sprayed a fire extinguisher all over our dorm. If I had to guess the remnants still remain in that dorm today lol.