re: How do you reason with people that don't realize this is a self-own?

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The problem is that neither side wants to admit that a given can might contain some elements of each

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No such thing.

It's literally impossible to be born in the wrong body. Period. Gender dysphoria comes from a distorted view of the self, that's something which is learned (ie: psychological). As such, there is no issue with peas nor carrots, just being nuts and demanding other people say your nuttiness is normal.