re: Wife is mad because I won't go to in laws twice in three weeks

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To me it does.

We visit her family once every 4-5 weeks so we see them plenty. We just went at Easter.

Suddenly, she wants me to go 2 out of 3 weeks. Would've been 3 of 4 if I would've went to the graduation party.

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Look I'm not saying you don't have a valid argument. But I am saying that there is no way you get her to acknowledge that argument and happily go on the trips by herself. In her mind, she already gave you the grad trip off so its your turn to get the short end of the stick.

While you are saying "Going 2 out of 3 weeks is excessive." She is saying "I didn't make him go to the graduation trip so he owes me."

How often do yall see your family? If they are local and yall see them weekly then it would add to her stance that you should go.

So basically your choices are to go on the trip and make everyone happy or refuse to go on the trip and deal with an unhappy wife. There is no scenario where you get to skip the trip and she's cool with it.