‘Twas The Night Before Christmas. Adult version

And all through the house, everyone was fricked up
Even the mouse
Stockings were hung, full of bourbon and beer
And a big rubber dick, for the family queer
Moms in the whore house, dads in the jail
I just settled down for a nice piece of tail,
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I
Jumped off my sister to see what’s the matter
As I was running to open the sash, I tripped over a broomstick and busted my arse
The moonlight was shining on the snowman we built, with
A broomstick up his arse, clean up to the hilt

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A beer in his hand, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa a-hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

I was donning my jacket to cover my arse,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my sister smiled with glee,
Old baw was hung clear down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
He pulled out a cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
He fell on his arse and farted instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"


Merry Christmas you filthy animals!!!