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Started By
Message
re: What's your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:20 pm to concrete_tiger
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:20 pm to concrete_tiger
“When I drive a rental car, I don’t know what’s going on with it. So a lot of time, I’ll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake on.
That doesn’t say a lot for me, but it really doesn’t say a lot for the EMERGENCY BRAKE.
It’s really not an emergency brake. It’s an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.”
That doesn’t say a lot for me, but it really doesn’t say a lot for the EMERGENCY BRAKE.
It’s really not an emergency brake. It’s an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.”
0
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:22 pm to concrete_tiger
I haven’t slept for 10 days because that would be too long.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:31 pm to BMax12
Smacky the Frog.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:34 pm to BMax12
Before Mitch ... there was Steven Wright (same delivery style):
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide .... is that considered a hostage situation?"
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there .... is he still wrong?"
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered .... 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"I stayed in a hotel. The desk clerk asked 'did you sleep well?' ... I answered, "No, I made a couple mistakes"
Loved both for their delivery ...
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide .... is that considered a hostage situation?"
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there .... is he still wrong?"
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered .... 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"I stayed in a hotel. The desk clerk asked 'did you sleep well?' ... I answered, "No, I made a couple mistakes"
Loved both for their delivery ...
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:39 pm to concrete_tiger
I like golf. I play but I’m not good or anything. I’ve never gotten a hole in one, but I have hit a guy. And that is way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell, “Fore!” But I was too busy mumbling, “Man, there ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:47 pm to concrete_tiger
“I’ve got so much tartar,I don’t have to dip my fish sticks in shite!”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:50 pm to concrete_tiger
Is a Hippopotamus a Hippopotamus or just a really cool Oppotamus.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:50 pm to concrete_tiger
My mailman is my drug dealer. He just doesn't know it.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 10:02 pm to MikeyWM97
quote:This is always the one that immediately comes to mind when his name comes up. So many golden bits though.
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 10:17 pm to CocomoLSU
quote:
As beloved as Mitch was/is, I still think he was pretty underrated. Most of his comedy was so fricking simple yet so hilarious. I always found that most of his jokes were things I could've thought of at one point or another, but I never did. I guess I like him because his humor was relatable for me.
Not to mention this dude would fill a whole comedy special with totally unrelated 15 second jokes
Posted on 3/27/24 at 10:31 pm to concrete_tiger
Everything this cat said was hilarious. RIP, you beautiful, drug-using motherfricker.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 10:38 pm to concrete_tiger
My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. I turn on the lights and koala bears skatter... but i dont want them to..
That and the one about limes floating. " if im ever on a boat and it sinks i will reach for a lime... im saved by the buoyancy of citrus"
That and the one about limes floating. " if im ever on a boat and it sinks i will reach for a lime... im saved by the buoyancy of citrus"
Posted on 3/27/24 at 10:58 pm to Gusoline
I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sh*t you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' I know this letter took a harsh turn right away.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 11:15 pm to concrete_tiger
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
Posted on 3/27/24 at 11:28 pm to GoldenBoy
They say the main ingredients to sprite is lemon and lime well I tried to make it at home and there’s a lot more to it than that! Want some more home made sprite? Not till you figure out what the frick else is in it!
Posted on 3/28/24 at 6:31 am to mattchewbocca
"I was walking by a dry cleaners at 3 am and they had a sign out front that said 'sorry, we're closed'. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 am and youre a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous of me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 am and say 'Hey, I came by at 3 and you guys were closed...somebody owes me an apology'."
Posted on 3/28/24 at 6:36 am to Longhorn Actual
quote:
He actually had stage fright and was terrified to be up there. Talked about it in an interview.
You can tell by his constant fidgeting and closing his eyes he was uncomfortable on stage. It got better the longer he did it, but some of his first sets on Letterman or whatever Late Night show he did, it was bad.
Posted on 3/28/24 at 7:02 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
Pringles
My absolute favorite.
Posted on 3/28/24 at 7:29 am to LegendInMyMind
quote:
Comedians will always rate him near the top because that is just such a difficult style. You let the greats working today go on stage with a set of one-liners and they'd be booed off of that stage
He and Steven Wright.
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