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re: Give me the best joke you got.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:23 pm to DiamondDog
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:23 pm to DiamondDog
A guy walks into his house holding a sheep under his arm. His wife is sitting on the couch.
The guy says "Honey, here's the pig I've been frickin." His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a sheep." The guy says "I wasn't talking to you."
The guy says "Honey, here's the pig I've been frickin." His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a sheep." The guy says "I wasn't talking to you."
0
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:25 pm to DiamondDog
I once went to a zoo
There was only one animal
It was a shite zoo
There was only one animal
It was a shite zoo
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:29 pm to DiamondDog
How do you know you're at a gay barbecue?
All the hotdogs taste like shite
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:30 pm to Bawcephus
quote:
Can't tell you a joke, but I can tell you where you got ya shoes.
Hey bitch. You owe me $20.
This post was edited on 8/4/21 at 5:33 pm
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:49 pm to DiamondDog
A man is complaining to his friend.
“You’ve seen all those bridges I’ve built in this town. Do they call me Richard The Bridge Builder? No they don’t.”
“You’ve seen all of the trees I’ve planted in this town. Do they call me Richard The Tree Planter? No they don’t.”
“But a guy fricks one goat…..”
“You’ve seen all those bridges I’ve built in this town. Do they call me Richard The Bridge Builder? No they don’t.”
“You’ve seen all of the trees I’ve planted in this town. Do they call me Richard The Tree Planter? No they don’t.”
“But a guy fricks one goat…..”
Posted on 8/4/21 at 5:52 pm to DiamondDog
A man comes home grinning ear to ear, flings the door open a exclaims "Baby, pack your bags...I just won the lottery!"
The wife was thrilled and could hardly answer. She finally manages "Should I pack for the beach? Should I pack for the mountains?"
The man answers "I don't care. Just pack your bags and get the frick out."
Best if read in a Gilbert Gottfried voice.
The wife was thrilled and could hardly answer. She finally manages "Should I pack for the beach? Should I pack for the mountains?"
The man answers "I don't care. Just pack your bags and get the frick out."
Best if read in a Gilbert Gottfried voice.
This post was edited on 8/4/21 at 5:54 pm
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:06 pm to Erebus
quote:
The government in this town is excellent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.”
As someone who works for the government i fricking love Ron Swanson....
My department has put a truck in the shop so many times that they could have easily bought 2 brand new versions of it... and its not like a regular pickup truck... this is a very essential vehicle that we may have had for a total of a month over the past year and lord knows how little before then...
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:14 pm to dupergreenie
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
::gagging noise::
::gagging noise::
Posted on 8/4/21 at 6:44 pm to DiamondDog
A termite walks into a bar and says, “is the bar tender here”.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:00 pm to Joe_Dirte
What do Ethiopians do on Friday nights?
Starve.
Starve.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:03 pm to OweO
quote:Too soon
She said "Sure. As long you don't JFK.... Splatter all over me unexpected"..
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:11 pm to DiamondDog
Three old ladies - Gertrude, Maude and Agnes were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Agnes, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't quite reach that far.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Agnes, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't quite reach that far.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:33 pm to antibarner
quote:
This is one if memory serves Jimmy Stewart used to tell
Jerry Clower
Posted on 8/4/21 at 7:42 pm to DiamondDog
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
No one you fricking idiot, get off my doorstep.
Who's there?
No one you fricking idiot, get off my doorstep.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 8:26 pm to DiamondDog
What do you call a bull with a masturbation problem?
Beef strokinoff
———
What does every Elmo doll get before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles
Beef strokinoff
———
What does every Elmo doll get before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles
Posted on 8/4/21 at 8:38 pm to DiamondDog
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait til your 12 years old before it cums on your face
A pimple will wait til your 12 years old before it cums on your face
Posted on 8/12/21 at 6:02 pm to Pisco
How did a computer hacker escape the police?
He just ransomware.
He just ransomware.
Posted on 8/12/21 at 6:28 pm to AudubonEagle
quote:He gets a hard-on when you're fricking him in the arse.
How can you tell if your roommate is gay?
Posted on 8/12/21 at 6:32 pm to DiamondDog
Today, I bought a cordless extension cord.
Posted on 8/12/21 at 7:57 pm to DiamondDog
quote:
give me the best joke you got
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