re: WSJ "Article" Blames men for dating problems.

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perhaps not your contribution but several posts have been 'hit and quit it' 'bag it and tag it' in nature- so the mentality is there.

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Like the guy who was upset that if he was honest and respectful and told the women he wouldn't have sex with them on the first date, it would make the women want to prove they were "first date frickable" and then wouldn't entertain a relationship, and how that was fricking him up for a long time?

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So many average men see the truly upper tier men getting to have their fun but then they are expected to clean up their mess. Less and less men are really willing to do that.

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This is the basis of “the red pill.” Many who become educated to the reality of “alpha-fricks and beta-bucks” decide to go their own way. It seems not worth it to them. Perhaps it’s the work involved, but I also think there’s a natural selection thing going on.

Some guys just aren’t the type that women want to have sex with. Women might have them around for security, resources, and servitude (i.e. raising another man’s kids). But making them their priority is pretty far outside their mindset. As guys are exposed to this reality, they give up.

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It's a crazy game and has an exponentially higher variance than hold em

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Very true my friend, don't ask me how I know the past few months.

But it makes that hourly so much sweeter. Just got to have the roll to survive the waves.

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Our society has just gone arse-backwards in so many ways. Being on the very tail end of Gen-X, all we ever heard was go to school and get your education and blah blah blah. And all of that shite turned out to be a crock for so many people. And it got worse for millennials. There's such an insane focus on career and school and making sure you have all this shite that we've completely lost touch with how to be actual humans.

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this right here. most of the whole world can operate remotely now- we've lost interpersonal relationships to the digital age and I'm not sure how well we will recover.

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we've lost interpersonal relationships to the digital age and I'm not sure how well we will recover.

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The Unabomber might’ve been a whack job, but he had some solid points in his manifesto; technology has its limits before it becomes a net negative

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The Unabomber might’ve been a whack job, but he had some solid points in his manifesto; technology has its limits before it becomes a net negative

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Yup.

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You may live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension.

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absolutely. and like you said- people need to look deeper than surface value- because two 8-10's together may not be compatible or at the same place in life or maturity level.

and looks do not last- so the chemistry has to be more than just physical.


I am older so I cannot speak for women in their 20-30's by any stretch, but I work with a bunch of them- and confidence is something that is very attractive to them- and not just a physical confidence. more like a mental / psychological confidence.

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Agreed and I wish more women had your mentality. Maybe then dating wouldn't be such a mess.

Sadly I've found that many women in their 20s and 30s do not look deeper than surface value. That it's not about true compatibility and companionship but what you can provide them.

I've also found in my time dating that women expect men to be perfect but then turn it around and expect the man to accept them for who they are, flaws and all. It's a very big double standard.

I don't want you to think I'm blaming it all on women. Men have contributed as well. Both sides are guilty of trying to go after the super models of the other sex and not necessarily being open to those whose who might be more in their league. But again women control the sexual marketplace and the dating marketplace and I do think women have caused more of the issues. When 80% of men are largely invisible to women that's going to be a big problem.

I blame online dating and dating apps for the majority of the problems as it's taken away the organic aspect of dating. It's taken away meeting a woman randomly at a bar or maybe at an activity. Online dating and dating apps take a lot of the fun out of dating and make it almost like a part time job. You are reduced to a few sentences and pure looks. The last few dates I've been on from dating apps have honestly felt more like job interviews than a date. It's very discouraging.

Dating apps give both sides the illusion of choice. Before dating apps you were largely restricted to your local area and therefor had to be more receptive to men or women who weren't 100% perfect but good enough.

I'm not saying men or women should lower their standards. But I think both sides need to re-evaluate and look at standards that are realistic. Right now I think both sides have unrealistic standards though I would say women's standards are a little bit more unrealistic.

I don't have any real solutions. Just my experience. I know for me I'm going to get off the dating apps and see what happens. Dating apps truly are toxic for most men. You indicated women want men with a mental / psychological confidence and I would argue, more than almost anything else in our world today, that dating apps utterly destroy the mental / psychological confidence for most men. It can't help but do that when you swipe right on easily 300 women and barely get a response. That's what most men are facing in today's dating environment.

This is in Japan but another idea of where we possibly heading:

Japan - Parents trying to assist with Matchmaking

Japan has also had national events to try to get men and women hooked up. Obviously a lot of this is to try to help their abysmal birth rate and ensure the country has a future but it might get to the point here in the U.S. where we have to try the same ideas.

The only good thing for the U.S. is that since Japan is ahead of us in this crisis we can see what has worked in Japan and what hasn't.

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It can't help but do that when you swipe right on easily 300 women and barely get a response. That's what most men are facing in today's dating environment.

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Because men can’t do what they’re supposed to do on dating apps: initiate an emotional connection.

I have a whole treatise I could write on this subject, but summed up, only a small subset of top tier men can establish an emotional connection with their mere existence. 6’2 guys who are physically fit, wealthy, upper social class: just seeing them ignites emotions in a woman.

A 5’9 dude who is normal, average has to initiate an emotional connection with his words, body language, flirtation skills, etc to establish an emotional connection.

Guys on the other hand operate more on a 1-0 scale: either you would or you wouldn’t. So yeah, you see 400 girls on dating apps, you’re good with 300 of them based on looks and potential alone.

It’s not that way for women.