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re: How do people cope with separation or divorce?
Posted on 5/6/23 at 12:59 am to ArmyHogs
Posted on 5/6/23 at 12:59 am to ArmyHogs
Been there. First, don't drink. Second, Keto+Gym. Third, stay single for a while and slay it. If you're halfway decent-looking, semi-fit, and have a good job with decent income, the poon will fly at you faster than you can catch it.
1
Posted on 5/6/23 at 1:05 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
We agreed to wait til we are officially separated.
This tells me that things can still be salvaged if both of you are up to it.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 1:08 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
She suggested marriage counseling a couple of times and my stupid stubborn arse said no, and we could handle it ourselves. Obviously now it’s a huge regret.
Going to therapy now would help you not regret not going again in the future.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 1:09 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
There is no cheating or abuse.
Then there does not need to be a divorce.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 1:15 am to ArmyHogs
Focus on self improvement as much as you can.
Workout and get into better shape. Learn to cook well and focus on eating well. Learn a new language or hobby, something active preferably to expel excess energy. Physically exhausting yourself will help.
Once your brain calms some, read about whatever interests you.
It isn’t the same for everyone but making yourself “better” can help you short term to focus and have long term benefits.
Workout and get into better shape. Learn to cook well and focus on eating well. Learn a new language or hobby, something active preferably to expel excess energy. Physically exhausting yourself will help.
Once your brain calms some, read about whatever interests you.
It isn’t the same for everyone but making yourself “better” can help you short term to focus and have long term benefits.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 1:17 am to BRgetthenet
Be active- workout or get the energy out.
Be social in a healthy non-drinking way.
Therapy- group or individual.
Be reflective but not wallow/self-hating or hating of her. It didn’t work out but sometimes that’s what happens. Would coulda shoulda only to the extent that you both could have done better/differently. Embrace it as positive as can and try to move on.
Be social in a healthy non-drinking way.
Therapy- group or individual.
Be reflective but not wallow/self-hating or hating of her. It didn’t work out but sometimes that’s what happens. Would coulda shoulda only to the extent that you both could have done better/differently. Embrace it as positive as can and try to move on.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 1:24 am to ArmyHogs
Go to therapy. It helps. Even better, reconnect with friends. You're going to need that support network.
Second, get back into shape. Marriage has a tendency to have you rest on your laurels. Wear better clothes too.
Third, this is now a business transaction. Treat it as such. Don't take it personal if she gets out of line, handle everything through your attorney. If you have kids, do your best not to ever bad mouth their mother.
Good luck and God speed. It gets better.
Second, get back into shape. Marriage has a tendency to have you rest on your laurels. Wear better clothes too.
Third, this is now a business transaction. Treat it as such. Don't take it personal if she gets out of line, handle everything through your attorney. If you have kids, do your best not to ever bad mouth their mother.
Good luck and God speed. It gets better.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 1:40 am to SG_Geaux
I could say most of this, but imagine it coming from a woman. It's really hard to separate. Those of you who married up and didn't have a broken picker, my hat is off to you.
I would not be surprised if my ex passes early, but when I got a phone call a couple weeks ago, the ex was calling to tell me his younger brother died. And we are not that old, like early 40s. His reaction to his brother passing was extra confirmation that we do not belong together. There was a serious lack of sympathy or remorse for how he treated him. Totally sucked.
I would not be surprised if my ex passes early, but when I got a phone call a couple weeks ago, the ex was calling to tell me his younger brother died. And we are not that old, like early 40s. His reaction to his brother passing was extra confirmation that we do not belong together. There was a serious lack of sympathy or remorse for how he treated him. Totally sucked.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 2:00 am to BK Lounge
quote:
youll hate yourself twice as much in the morning, and on top of whatever mild depression youre experiencing, youll feel hungover and miserable.. after all, alcohol is literally a depressant .. the guys who turn to drinking or drugs- instead of working out
Can't stress that point enough. I've drowned my sorrows before and while you're buzzed or drunk it's fine, but the next day when your brain and CNS are turned up to 11 after being depressed all night from alcohol, your hangover anxiety will make everything much worse.
Working out is the best thing to do like some others have said. Crank up that dopamine release and wear yourself out to the point that you're too tired to think about it
Posted on 5/6/23 at 2:10 am to Corso
Has to go through this about 10 years ago. It knocked me back for a couple years. I knew the divorce needed to happen but the hard part was getting out of the comfort zone of the relationship. It honestly just took time. Don’t know of any great advice other than what others said. Don’t sit and drink the time away. Find other activities. Realize it is going to take time. I focused a lot of my energy on my kids. Took me a while to get over her dating again (that sucks even if you cannot stand them).
Posted on 5/6/23 at 2:24 am to 9Fiddy
quote:
Whether the split was your doing or not, focus on the only thing in this world you can control. Yourself.
Extremely sound advice. Worked for me when I was going through it as well.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 3:24 am to ArmyHogs
I’ve been through some shite, but divorce was the most difficult thing I’ve gone through. It wasn’t because I was losing my wife, but I was losing my kids and the life that I knew.
In the short term, you have to occupy your time. I’d spend 2-3 hours in the gym everyday day back then. Read. I’m partial to books about the Vietnam war and was reading 2 books a week back then. Partake in a hobby or two.
The key is to not to feel sorry for yourself and force yourself to move on. I use to look in the mirror and talk myself up. Sometimes yelling at my self to buck up. In my case, I had two kids that needed me so I used that. I also used the fact that there was no way in hell this bitch was going to win.
You will be ok. It will get better. This will not define you.
In the short term, you have to occupy your time. I’d spend 2-3 hours in the gym everyday day back then. Read. I’m partial to books about the Vietnam war and was reading 2 books a week back then. Partake in a hobby or two.
The key is to not to feel sorry for yourself and force yourself to move on. I use to look in the mirror and talk myself up. Sometimes yelling at my self to buck up. In my case, I had two kids that needed me so I used that. I also used the fact that there was no way in hell this bitch was going to win.
You will be ok. It will get better. This will not define you.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 4:30 am to ArmyHogs
Found a younger more attractive wife.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 5:06 am to USMCguy121
As a father of 4 that just lost his wife a couple months ago I say quit being a stubborn fricking pussy and make it work. Go to counseling with her. Learn to give in some. Marriage is hard but divorce is harder. She deserves a better effort out of you and your kids DEFINITELY deserve it. You made a commitment, there no infidelity, quit being a bitch, man up and honor the commitment you made. Make it work. I’d give a nut, or both nuts to be in your shoes. Get back to the basics with her and fall in love with her again. Unless she’s fat, the disregard the whole post-JK. You owe it to the kids.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 5:10 am to ArmyHogs
Going through divorce sucksss and it might seem like the end of the world but let me tell you. Once you come out on the other end (life is great). I was married to a shitty person and was still hurt when we divorced but once i was removed from that life i was able to open my eyes and realize there is so much better out there. As for how to manage when going through divorce and speration...best advice i can give is just to concentrate on yourself. Excercise is great therapy. Its a stress reliever and gets you looking good and helps with your self confidence.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 5:23 am to ArmyHogs
i stalked my soon to be ex till the divorce was final. Not recomended
Posted on 5/6/23 at 5:25 am to Relham10
Probably the stress of telling your kids is whet it eating you up more than anything. When my wife and I divorced 6 years ago the stress of knowing that day was coming was by far the worst part for me as they had no idea we were having issues.
Once that day finally happened the stress lessoned a great deal for me anyway. Still to this day I think of that conversation and how hard it was/is to do to your kids.
Look the entire divorce process is a lot to deal with:
I lose half my assets
I have to find a place to live or give half of house to SO
I have to figure out child support
I have figure out kid’s schedule with me and SO
Once that day finally happened the stress lessoned a great deal for me anyway. Still to this day I think of that conversation and how hard it was/is to do to your kids.
Look the entire divorce process is a lot to deal with:
I lose half my assets
I have to find a place to live or give half of house to SO
I have to figure out child support
I have figure out kid’s schedule with me and SO
Posted on 5/6/23 at 6:03 am to Armymann50
quote:
i stalked my soon to be ex till the divorce was final. Not recomended
You were moonlighting with one of LLotOT, weren't you?
Joking. Good luck. To the OP - It sounds like you have something salvageable. UNLESS she has washed her hands of you. When women are done, they are usually done. They will kitchen sink everything you ever did wrong, in the unlikely event she will take you back. But, be humble and try, on behalf of your children. If she won't have you back, then you have the whole world to explore. It's scary, awesome, intimidating and terrifying. But it means you get to define yourself, as an individual and as a father. Best wishes.
Posted on 5/6/23 at 6:08 am to TulaneLSU
quote:
TulaneLSU
Is a product of divorce? I can see it
Posted on 5/6/23 at 6:23 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
ArmyHogs
Get your arse to counseling today. Don’t do that to your kids if you think you can salvage it. At least try.
You’re going to have town a bunch of shite though… especially if you’re the reason counseling didn’t happen
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