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re: I'm not crazy, you're crazy - Borderline Personality Disorder
Posted on 2/15/23 at 8:44 pm to Northshore Aggie
Posted on 2/15/23 at 8:44 pm to Northshore Aggie
My ex-wife flipped like a light switch after we had kids. Something about the stress and post party’s depression and existing personality disorders. Lots and lots of crazy behavior. Never violent but I honestly would go to sleep at night and think I might wake up to her plunging a knife in my heart. She would get mad that I did okay with the kids and would say that I was the one who was supposed to be freaking out. I never understood the mean behavior, as if she owed me payback for something I did.
A few years after our divorce, she sent me a text apologizing and listing her diagnosis of disorders. I didn’t even respond.
A few years after our divorce, she sent me a text apologizing and listing her diagnosis of disorders. I didn’t even respond.
0
Posted on 2/15/23 at 8:46 pm to Northshore Aggie
I represented a claimant one time in a Social Security disability claim who had BPD. I didn’t know much about it when I took the case, but I wanted to help her sister who had come to me about getting involved because the sister was a good person and trying to help. I could see the claimant was off and aggressive and combative, but she would then soften up to me and could be genuinely likable and affable. She had about 35 jobs through a temp agency in a seven to ten year period. Always stayed a month or two then would get asked to leave and move onto something else. About six or seven psychiatrists with varying degrees of diagnoses and prescriptions.
I’ve handled hundreds of disability claims and this case is still the only one where SSA called an MD into the hearing who had read the records, opined it was legit BPD, and the judge granted benefits on the spot. It remains the easiest hearing I’ve ever been a part of.
Sorry you’re going through it , OP. It was wild to deal with at arms length in a professional relationship. I can’t imagine how taxing when it’s your wife with kids involved.
I’ve handled hundreds of disability claims and this case is still the only one where SSA called an MD into the hearing who had read the records, opined it was legit BPD, and the judge granted benefits on the spot. It remains the easiest hearing I’ve ever been a part of.
Sorry you’re going through it , OP. It was wild to deal with at arms length in a professional relationship. I can’t imagine how taxing when it’s your wife with kids involved.
This post was edited on 2/15/23 at 8:48 pm
Posted on 2/15/23 at 9:16 pm to DerkaDerka
quote:No way. Not good for anyone.
keep your family together
Posted on 2/15/23 at 10:16 pm to Northshore Aggie
Not uncommon for people with BPD to project what they are doing on others.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 10:17 pm to Northshore Aggie
I spent 17 years married to a woman with that terrible disease. Once I got away I found out that life is much better. Happily married with soon to be 4 amazing kids.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 1:44 am to Northshore Aggie
I'm guessing it's a little from column A and a little from column B. Twelve years is a long time without some codependency going on.
But hey, she's your wife, so there is really no option than to try to smooth over the rough stuff and just move on.
But hey, she's your wife, so there is really no option than to try to smooth over the rough stuff and just move on.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 5:01 am to Northshore Aggie
People with BPD are very good at manipulating others into believing they are the one with issues.
That said, BPD should only be diagnosed by a professional, not the internet. I strongly suggest you seek help in couples counseling or, if she refuses to attend, personal counseling, to get a professional opinion and support.
Those with untreated BPD destroy lives so, if you really suspect that’s the case, I urge you to seek outside professional support.
That said, BPD should only be diagnosed by a professional, not the internet. I strongly suggest you seek help in couples counseling or, if she refuses to attend, personal counseling, to get a professional opinion and support.
Those with untreated BPD destroy lives so, if you really suspect that’s the case, I urge you to seek outside professional support.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 5:31 am to Northshore Aggie
Pretty sure I’m going through this hell currently. 7 years in, with no end in sight.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 9:19 am to tigergirl10
quote:
No way. Not good for anyone.
Probably true. Just can't downplay the affects of a broken home on children. If he can manage the situation and shield his kids, then to me that is the way. If that is not possible, then its a choice btwn 2 shite sandwiches.
Edit: There are too many variables to make a blanket statement either way in my opinion. Depends greatly on the terms and nature of the separation. Does she get majority custody? If so then hell no, keep your enemy close in that situation.
This post was edited on 2/16/23 at 9:25 am
Posted on 2/16/23 at 9:32 am to Whosonfirst
This.
You cannot help or fix her. You cannot affect her decision-making or her rage, impulses, or pettiness.
You cannot teach her how to manage her money. No matter how much or how little it is.
You cannot "convince" them to stay at a job.
You cannot have any real conversation with them that will stick.
For the sake of enjoying your life, move on from this relationship. Block all forms of contact. Let her torture someone else.
Cause she will.
You cannot help or fix her. You cannot affect her decision-making or her rage, impulses, or pettiness.
You cannot teach her how to manage her money. No matter how much or how little it is.
You cannot "convince" them to stay at a job.
You cannot have any real conversation with them that will stick.
For the sake of enjoying your life, move on from this relationship. Block all forms of contact. Let her torture someone else.
Cause she will.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 9:32 am to wheelz007
quote:
I swear, I could write a book about all of the 1st-grader BS I dealt with in my 11 years.
Your posts really hit home for me. 20 years for me.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 9:57 am to Northshore Aggie
Romantic relationships with borderlines should be an absolute no-go for any man who appreciates his sanity, freedom, and peace of mind.
I dated one for 3 years, my best friend is still trying to get one to stop stalking him after 3.5 years of insanity, and another absolutely broke a mutual friend of ours.
Girl 1 slit her wrist on my kitchen floor (across the street for attention), stalked me, hit me repeatedly, threatened to sue me for custody of a pet (yes, she used the word "custody"), and made up lurid fabrications about me abusing her, including specifically claiming that I smashed her head through a wall. Gaslighting, hitting me, trying to ruin my self-image, the works.
Girl 2 is worse. She got my friend shot at by a tweaker on Valentines day. She estranged him from his friends and family because none of us would be around her after a while. He's basically become an alcoholic after their 3.5 years of toxic chaos.
Girl 3 is the final boss. Not trying to write an essay but she bragged to me about attacking him with a phone charger over a dream she had and then signing and dating the bloodstain on his pillow so that he could remember that he better not cheat. Yes, she showed me the pillow. She also faked some sort of birth defect to punitively abort their unborn child, and later taunted him for it.
Baws: do not play with BPD. No pussy, no matter how good, is worth your longterm mental health.
I dated one for 3 years, my best friend is still trying to get one to stop stalking him after 3.5 years of insanity, and another absolutely broke a mutual friend of ours.
Girl 1 slit her wrist on my kitchen floor (across the street for attention), stalked me, hit me repeatedly, threatened to sue me for custody of a pet (yes, she used the word "custody"), and made up lurid fabrications about me abusing her, including specifically claiming that I smashed her head through a wall. Gaslighting, hitting me, trying to ruin my self-image, the works.
Girl 2 is worse. She got my friend shot at by a tweaker on Valentines day. She estranged him from his friends and family because none of us would be around her after a while. He's basically become an alcoholic after their 3.5 years of toxic chaos.
Girl 3 is the final boss. Not trying to write an essay but she bragged to me about attacking him with a phone charger over a dream she had and then signing and dating the bloodstain on his pillow so that he could remember that he better not cheat. Yes, she showed me the pillow. She also faked some sort of birth defect to punitively abort their unborn child, and later taunted him for it.
Baws: do not play with BPD. No pussy, no matter how good, is worth your longterm mental health.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 10:19 am to UFownstSECsince1950
Dude - run.
Block all forms of communication and move if you have to.
And then hang in there. She will find another person to torture and you won't be her target anymore.
The sooner the better. Then, go find a therapist for yourself to talk to.
Block all forms of communication and move if you have to.
And then hang in there. She will find another person to torture and you won't be her target anymore.
The sooner the better. Then, go find a therapist for yourself to talk to.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 10:26 am to Northshore Aggie
Dude, she will find 157 reasons to stay mad at you and get her way.
Anything she can do to guilt trip you, blame you, offend you, push your buttons, she will do.
The best thing you can do for your life, your sanity, and your finances - RUN.
Don't walk away. RUN.
Block all forms of communication and move on with your life.
Anything she can do to guilt trip you, blame you, offend you, push your buttons, she will do.
The best thing you can do for your life, your sanity, and your finances - RUN.
Don't walk away. RUN.
Block all forms of communication and move on with your life.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 10:27 am to Northshore Aggie
quote:
Do crazy people know they're crazy?
Depends on the disorder.
I have bipolar 1 and I know that off medication, I'm batshit manic.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 10:27 am to Northshore Aggie
Post this please
I’d like to read what you did
I’d like to read what you did
Posted on 2/16/23 at 10:54 am to wheelz007
quote:
For the sake of enjoying your life, move on from this relationship. Block all forms of contact. Let her torture someone else. Cause she will.
Unfortunately, the "someone else" will absolutely be the OP's children when they get old enough.
With these people it's always someone else's fault. The kids will be blamed for the divorce, etc.
Good luck OP in dealing with this. If you can't get her in couple's therapy, please work with someone on how to create boundaries for yourself. Don't take the bait. Ever. Remain neutral. Don't feed the bear.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 10:55 am to DecadePlusLurker
quote:
Baws: do not play with BPD
brother, I read your post and it's the classic cases of BPD. It's not just "oh she crazy"... no, BPD will absolutely DESTROY.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 11:01 am to Northshore Aggie
quote:
Borderline Personality Disorder
Think 'Amber Heard vs. Johnny Depp'. That's probably a good example of BPD.
Posted on 2/16/23 at 11:19 am to HouseMom
This is true. The children will be tortured but -
In my case, it's actually worked out as best as it can, up to this point.
We all moved to South Louisiana almost 10 years ago. She lasted 1 year, messed everything up again and moved back to North Louisiana.
It took a full year, but I won custody of the kids with a custody trial. She is still 3.5 hours away and their exposue to her is limited.
I will say this to anyone who is married with children to a borderline -
#1 You can AND WILL win custody of the kids. Here is what you need -
+ The medical diagnosis. I had 2 from diff time periods of her life.
+ Have them sign 6-8 Hippa forms for records requests.
+ Records reports from all of the jobs they've held. You will be surprised at the files managers have kept on them over the years. Their craziness is legit.
+ Medical screening reports. Many BPD's go to the doctor a lot. If she's seen multiple therapists, you can subpena them. Or Medical records.
+ You need documented examples of their instability and craziness. Example - keep a log of all the dramatic outbursts, blow ups, times they've moved or quit a job.
And I promise, you will win. And it's worth it. Mine cost me $15,000 and my guys have been with me 85% of the time for the last 7 and a half years.... a dude raising 2 dudes. It's great most of the time.
Keep this in mind too - the minute she gets hit with those "custody trial" papers, she is going to go ballistic. Pressure makes a pipe explode.
She will lash out at you. She will threaten and try to go scorthed earth on you but guess what.... you are in the drivers seat.
She does not have the means to really fight you because of how bad they are with money and maintaining normal, everyday life. She will threaten you with every thing under the sun, but those are just words.
She was fail MORE without you around. Let her. You were the one piece of stability in her life and she might go completely off the rails without you around.
In the 1 year that it takes to actually get to trial, she will make more messes, quit/ lose jobs, etc while you ease into a life of stability. All of this giving you more ammo. MORE AMMO.
She cannot be on her best behavior for 90 days, let alone 12 months.
Go for it. If I can do it, so can you.
In my case, it's actually worked out as best as it can, up to this point.
We all moved to South Louisiana almost 10 years ago. She lasted 1 year, messed everything up again and moved back to North Louisiana.
It took a full year, but I won custody of the kids with a custody trial. She is still 3.5 hours away and their exposue to her is limited.
I will say this to anyone who is married with children to a borderline -
#1 You can AND WILL win custody of the kids. Here is what you need -
+ The medical diagnosis. I had 2 from diff time periods of her life.
+ Have them sign 6-8 Hippa forms for records requests.
+ Records reports from all of the jobs they've held. You will be surprised at the files managers have kept on them over the years. Their craziness is legit.
+ Medical screening reports. Many BPD's go to the doctor a lot. If she's seen multiple therapists, you can subpena them. Or Medical records.
+ You need documented examples of their instability and craziness. Example - keep a log of all the dramatic outbursts, blow ups, times they've moved or quit a job.
And I promise, you will win. And it's worth it. Mine cost me $15,000 and my guys have been with me 85% of the time for the last 7 and a half years.... a dude raising 2 dudes. It's great most of the time.
Keep this in mind too - the minute she gets hit with those "custody trial" papers, she is going to go ballistic. Pressure makes a pipe explode.
She will lash out at you. She will threaten and try to go scorthed earth on you but guess what.... you are in the drivers seat.
She does not have the means to really fight you because of how bad they are with money and maintaining normal, everyday life. She will threaten you with every thing under the sun, but those are just words.
She was fail MORE without you around. Let her. You were the one piece of stability in her life and she might go completely off the rails without you around.
In the 1 year that it takes to actually get to trial, she will make more messes, quit/ lose jobs, etc while you ease into a life of stability. All of this giving you more ammo. MORE AMMO.
She cannot be on her best behavior for 90 days, let alone 12 months.
Go for it. If I can do it, so can you.
This post was edited on 2/16/23 at 2:15 pm
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