re: How do you deal with the guilt of living far away from your aging parents?

My folks are both 84 and live 8 miles away now in Georgia having grown up and lived in small town CA and resettling there for most of their adult lives.

My older sister moved out of state about 15 years ago and their adult grandkids were still around. It took me nudging them the last 10 years to get them to move near to my wife and I in 2021. They liked their community and friends but I kept reminding them that the poker buddies were not going to take them to the doctors office. Since moving we have dealt with foot surgery, prostrate cancer, a hip replacement, benign lung nodules and a collapsed lung, broken rribs from a small fall, Covid, etc.

I was able to be there and help in ways that they needed and deserved and I was happy to be able to do that. My folks do occassionally say that they probably should have moved sooner but uprooting from friends and other parts of the family is not the easiest. But my sister's life sounds like a country song and where she lives is not where the would like to live. (OR)

Try to talk with them over time and plant the seeds of how you would like them to be nearer. Parents moving to where their kids are is not so unusual.

I have been fortunate they had the means to make the move and I have the flexibility to take time off when needed. The final push after a few visits over a few years where they looked at houses and VERY slowly warmed up to the idea of moving, they expressed concerns about moving cross country at 81. I was out in August 2020 for a visit and told them that if they were ready to make the decision I was ready to help. I had time at Christmas and would be coming out and renting a 26 foot truck to load up as much (stuff) crap as it would fit drive it cross country and move it into storage. I told them it was a hostage situation and if they ever wanted to see their stuff again they would need to move.
They were reluctant to accept the offer but they needed the help and I am pretty insistent. They needed to do that just to have a chance to put it on the market. They also were clearly releived to see it was physically possible. Imagine how much moving sucks, then imagine how much it must suck when you are in your 80's.

Once they got it on the market and had an offer, I came back out again and drove my Dad's pickup and hobby trailer full of stuff cross country. Finally the week they closed I went out again and helped with the packing and moving truck, shipping another car, etc. etc. and we flew out together.

As your folks get older and their lives change what might not be a consideration for them today might look like a good choice for them later. Today they are both in good health for their age and I am enjoyjng the time we have together. Taking Dad to a train show this weekend and hope this Spring to find some time to get to a horse show for my mom to enjoy. In April we will drive to Texas for the Solar eclipse.

I wish they had built up more of a social network but I am very relieved they are here and I can continue to enjoy them and help them in the years ahead including what I know will be some tougher days.