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Started By
Message
re: Kids struggling with divorce
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:43 am to cannibaspleasse
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:43 am to cannibaspleasse
Divorce, while necessary in many situations, is often a transference of the problems from you to your kids.
I will never divorce my wife while we have kids in the house, even if we grow apart. It is simply not worth it to damage the kids to that degree—not to mention the financial disaster that would unfold in our situation.
The true cost of divorce with children can’t be understood for many years, and it’s always a more costly endeavor than one expects, unless you’re a woman fleecing some fool that dived headfirst into the kiddie pool.
I will never divorce my wife while we have kids in the house, even if we grow apart. It is simply not worth it to damage the kids to that degree—not to mention the financial disaster that would unfold in our situation.
The true cost of divorce with children can’t be understood for many years, and it’s always a more costly endeavor than one expects, unless you’re a woman fleecing some fool that dived headfirst into the kiddie pool.
This post was edited on 5/9/22 at 8:47 am
0
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:45 am to cannibaspleasse
quote:
their whore mother
You...you know the rules.
We need to decide guilt or innocence.
This post was edited on 5/9/22 at 8:46 am
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:47 am to tigerinthebueche
quote:Sure, go ahead, stoop to that level and disparage the mother of your children incessantly. In fact, openly talk shite about that whore in front of the kids when you get the chance. That's never backfired in the history of broken relationships
But what if she really was? What if she cheated nonstop on the OP? Don’t you think he has a right to feel bitter and call a spade a spade?
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:48 am to Tiger Ryno
quote:
According to the OT divorce has no impact on kids
Of course it does but there's no reason the kids can't grow up to be normal, happy adults. Me and my 2 siblings have all been married for 15+ years, all have children of our own, good careers etc. I think maybe growing up with parents in bad marriage can teach you what not to do in some cases.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:54 am to cannibaspleasse
Of course they are acting out. Their parents couldn't put their personal life on hold to raise them. Get them professional help asap.
ETA: Kids should not be secondary to your personal life. Since you and your wife have already failed them, make sure to spend extra time with them. Don't neglect them with a new girlfriend or boyfriend.
ETA: Kids should not be secondary to your personal life. Since you and your wife have already failed them, make sure to spend extra time with them. Don't neglect them with a new girlfriend or boyfriend.
This post was edited on 5/9/22 at 8:57 am
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:57 am to fr33manator
quote:
Many nights alone and missing them. Many calls where they miss you and don’t understand.
This would absolutely crush me. I don't think I could handle it. Recently I was gone for 6 days for work and wife said my two year old lost his mind and was looking for me constantly, wouldn't sleep (I usually put him to bed) and staring out the window at the driveway.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 8:59 am to BKellyno
quote:
quote:
Step 1: Don't ever say anything bad about their mother in front of them. Let them see it for themselves.
This. Lived it. Saw it happen. The kids will see it eventually, but be warned, it may take years.
Millions have.
And, YES, I saw it right away. It took my brother becoming an adult to realize how he was manipulated.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:03 am to DevilDagNS
quote:
I don't think I could handle it. Recently I was gone for 6 days for work and wife said my two year old lost his mind and was looking for me constantly, wouldn't sleep (I usually put him to bed) and staring out the window at the driveway.
This happened to a really good friend of mine in Fourth grade. No one really knew what happened but at some point he just stopped coming to school. There were all kinds of rumors. A mutual friend lived next door to him and knew his family very well and she gave me the story.
He wound up having to repeat Fourth grade and his parents sent him to another school.
He was a really good kid and from what I understand got psychiatric help and did okay in life.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:05 am to DevilDagNS
quote:
This would absolutely crush me. I don't think I could handle it. Recently I was gone for 6 days for work and wife said my two year old lost his mind and was looking for me constantly, wouldn't sleep (I usually put him to bed) and staring out the window at the driveway.
Mine were a month old and a year and a half when mine left. It was so hard, but I guess it was a blessing because that’s really all they knew. They still ask why we can’t be together and I just tell them to ask their mom. Things are much better now but it’s still hard to miss them. But I stopped chasing the paper and got a job where I’m home every night and get to bring them to catch the bus every morning that I have them and I’m making the days I get with them count much much more now.
But there were a lot of nights when I’d lie there where they should have been and held their little stuffies and wept. It’s the worst part
This post was edited on 5/9/22 at 9:58 am
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:07 am to cannibaspleasse
quote:
and when they are with their whore mother.
Just based on this tells me you are the squeaky clean, perfect example of a husband.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:13 am to MMauler
quote:This is the best advice ITT. Kids are smart, they see with their own eyes what kind of parents they have. At ages 6-8, they mimic the behavior of their parents and they learn to deal with adversity the same way they see their parents deal with it.
Step 1: Don't ever say anything bad about their mother in front of them. Let them see it for themselves.
Get them counselling immediately. Find a schedule that works for the whole family, even their mother. Young kids need consistency and structure even with the smallest things, i.e. dinner/bath time/bed time, etc.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:27 am to cannibaspleasse
I come from a divorced family and will continue the pile on of don’t bad mouth the other parent in front of the kids. Save any arguments/disagreements y’all have for when the kids are in school, or at a practice, etc. Kids will absolutely pick up on it and there could be some resentment when they get older.
Regardless of any other faults they may have, my parents (and the respective step parents) handled the divorce about as well as you could — they didn’t bad mouth each other in front of me, they let me go between the houses as I wanted and they were on the same page as far as expectations and discipline (for the most part). HOWEVER, and I’m nearly 30 and something I’m just started to understand (parents divorced when I was in the 1-2nd grade), I have some deep/underlying issues with it and probably should have seen (and probably should go now) a counselor.
TLDR: I have divorced parents, don’t talk bad about the other parent, get your kids into counseling early.
Regardless of any other faults they may have, my parents (and the respective step parents) handled the divorce about as well as you could — they didn’t bad mouth each other in front of me, they let me go between the houses as I wanted and they were on the same page as far as expectations and discipline (for the most part). HOWEVER, and I’m nearly 30 and something I’m just started to understand (parents divorced when I was in the 1-2nd grade), I have some deep/underlying issues with it and probably should have seen (and probably should go now) a counselor.
TLDR: I have divorced parents, don’t talk bad about the other parent, get your kids into counseling early.
This post was edited on 5/9/22 at 9:30 am
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:30 am to Evil Little Thing
quote:This x 100!
How often do you have them? If she has them the majority of the time, you’ll have years of hell trying to override anything she’s feeding them. At least the school year is almost over.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:34 am to 850SaintsGator
quote:
Monday morning OT is soft (or ppl feel bad for your children) bc…not one person asked for photos of said ex whore wife
Good point
Unless they already have them.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:35 am to cannibaspleasse
quote:
he kids 8 and 6 are acting out at school and when they are with their whore mother.
I wouldn't put their mom down to them; they probably still love her immensely. Even if she is a whore.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:47 am to cannibaspleasse
Pics of the whore mother?
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:54 am to LSUcajun77
quote:
- Don’t bad mouth in front the kids
This. Nothing trashier than badmouthing or shaming the other parent in front of the kids. If they overheard an argument it’s already gone too far
Posted on 5/9/22 at 9:57 am to cannibaspleasse
quote:
Kids struggling with divorce
no shite?!
quote:
when they are with their whore mother
sounds like you contributed to the toxicity
quote:
Advice on counseling or just letting this pass?
yes, all four of you need it.
more advice... don't bring any other kids into this world.
Posted on 5/9/22 at 10:01 am to tigerinthebueche
quote:
But what if she really was? What if she cheated nonstop on the OP? Don’t you think he has a right to feel bitter and call a spade a spade?
no, he should be mad at himself for ignoring the obvious red flags before he had children with her. there are always red flags. always. without exception. period.
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