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re: Boomers and end of life care
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:49 pm to SquatchDawg
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:49 pm to SquatchDawg
Well staying at his house is a form of burden if he insists his daughters be there 24/7.
0
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:50 pm to SquatchDawg
OP needs to beat him to it.
Posted on 6/19/21 at 11:53 pm to SquatchDawg
quote:
It is a heart wrenching situation and I’m sympathetic to these individuals I love but what is it with this generation to where they think their kids should walk away from their families rather than them bite the bullet and secure nursing or other care to take care of them? Especially when they choose to stay at home and hire help but when the time comes they refused to do so.
This isn’t really a “Boomer” thing. This is an end of life and want to be by who you love most type of thing. Put yourself in his shoes. If you were dying, would you not want your children to be by your side in the end? I understand needing proper professionals to help care for him, but he’s probably terrified and wants his daughters.
ETA: Maybe calling you selfish is a bit harsh. But, I would like to think I would be there for my parents if need be. It’s a tough situation, but it is only temporary.
This post was edited on 6/19/21 at 11:57 pm
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:02 am to DeafJam73
quote:
If you were dying, would you not want your children to be by your side in the end? I understand needing proper professionals to help care for him, but he’s probably terrified and wants his daughters.
That’s a great point. I may not have been clear but we’re not talking about abandoning him. We will be there to support him untill the end. What I was referring to is his expectation that his children leave their families behind to take care of him. I would not expect my sons to drop everything including their careers, wives and children to come and take care of me at the end. I want them to be there, I would expect them to be there but not to give up their lives.
This post was edited on 6/20/21 at 12:05 am
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:03 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
my wife and her sister
You know what we need
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:04 am to danilo
No pics
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:08 am to SquatchDawg
We went through this ourselves actually. My wife’s grandmother passed away because of brain cancer. Her mom ended up moving in with her to care for the grandmother. I think that was a span of 6 or 7 months. It was a hard time, but she wanted to be there. She had no young children, though.
I wouldn’t expect you to abandon him. All you can do is what you can I guess. Just remember that this is temporary. It can feel like an eternity, and the experiences are just fricking terrible. But it’s the right thing to do.
I wouldn’t expect you to abandon him. All you can do is what you can I guess. Just remember that this is temporary. It can feel like an eternity, and the experiences are just fricking terrible. But it’s the right thing to do.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:09 am to SquatchDawg
That is ridiculous. They are the most entitled generation bar none..
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:35 am to macjonesgoat
There’s more to the story and since this is the OT I will elaborate.
Until recently he had found an old woman on some dating website and thought she was going to be the one to take care of him. After a year of this lady living with him and taking care of him she gave him an ultimatum of she would not stay unless he gave her his house. Prior to this he basically told his two daughters that they need to do everything they could to make this crazy bitch happy because she was going to take care of him. She was a nut and openly hostile to my wife as she was trying to help take care of her dad.
After she gave him the ultimatum he cut her loose and now we’re at the point to where we having to find someone to be there fill the time that she was there . However, since he “chose her” over his two daughters they’re not very happy about that whole situation and the way it played out. His care plan was to find some old lady on the Internet dating site to take care of him. That’s no joke.
Yeah it’s crazy but this is real.
Until recently he had found an old woman on some dating website and thought she was going to be the one to take care of him. After a year of this lady living with him and taking care of him she gave him an ultimatum of she would not stay unless he gave her his house. Prior to this he basically told his two daughters that they need to do everything they could to make this crazy bitch happy because she was going to take care of him. She was a nut and openly hostile to my wife as she was trying to help take care of her dad.
After she gave him the ultimatum he cut her loose and now we’re at the point to where we having to find someone to be there fill the time that she was there . However, since he “chose her” over his two daughters they’re not very happy about that whole situation and the way it played out. His care plan was to find some old lady on the Internet dating site to take care of him. That’s no joke.
Yeah it’s crazy but this is real.
This post was edited on 6/20/21 at 12:44 am
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:42 am to SquatchDawg
You don’t need nurses, you need sitters…there is quire a difference in price between the two. If don’t know the legality of it, but sitters are even cheaper if you pay them in cash.
I used to think old people were totally selfish. The more I think about it, I think they are just worried and scared. To compound the problem, they don’t sleep much during the night.
I used to think old people were totally selfish. The more I think about it, I think they are just worried and scared. To compound the problem, they don’t sleep much during the night.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:53 am to Jim Rockford
quote:
I'm eating a .357 slug the day I can't take care of myself any more
My grandpa did this. He was a take a mule behind the woodshed kinda guy. He hated people taking care of him and when he had knee surgery and couldn't get back to taking care of his garden he threw in the towel. My mom found him with a gunshot wound to the head. That's old school and fwiw that man was the greatest grandpa ever. I hate that he went out that way but it was by his choice.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:55 am to FLBooGoTigs1
It’s a shitty thing to say but compared to slowly wasting away that not a bad end.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:57 am to SquatchDawg
Having been through end of life care with loved ones it is enormously challenging emotionally, physically, and financially.
Depending on how large the person is a smaller woman (or man) will simply not be able to do some types of the care. When the descent takes years (as in some chronic degenerative diseases including Alzheimer's) the care will sometimes not be possible to do alone because the person may wander unpredictably in the middle of the night, become violent, or otherwise lash out and hurt the caregiver.
Reach out for help with local hospice organizations. A person to counsel the caregiver, get groceries, help change bedding and clothing may be available and essential. The loved one shouldn't be abandoned but should also try to understand the need for external help.
Oh and I will give serious thought to offing myself when I get near that point. This part of life is ugly, painful, humiliating, and really not going to be how I want to be remembered.
Depending on how large the person is a smaller woman (or man) will simply not be able to do some types of the care. When the descent takes years (as in some chronic degenerative diseases including Alzheimer's) the care will sometimes not be possible to do alone because the person may wander unpredictably in the middle of the night, become violent, or otherwise lash out and hurt the caregiver.
Reach out for help with local hospice organizations. A person to counsel the caregiver, get groceries, help change bedding and clothing may be available and essential. The loved one shouldn't be abandoned but should also try to understand the need for external help.
Oh and I will give serious thought to offing myself when I get near that point. This part of life is ugly, painful, humiliating, and really not going to be how I want to be remembered.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:58 am to SquatchDawg
I felt really bad for my mom because she found him and my uncle was really close to him also but like I said he was old school and he ended it on his terms. I live 12 hours away and I could do nothing but try and comfort my mom and uncle.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 12:58 am to SquatchDawg
The hypocrisy is what drives me crazy. My parents are boomers and they are just as emotional, probably from lead poisoning. They told me in high school to not try to get scholarships because I wouldn't be eligible and they would pay. I chose to go out of state for which I needed them to co-sign my loan. They instead bought two Audis for $45k each. I couldn' get the loan with two jobsn but eventually I figured out how to get a free A.S in Oregon and will be transferring to NYU or another NYC university when I finish it. They can pay for their own fricking retirement since I had to figure out college on my own.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 1:56 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
I have to assume you’re just a mouth breathing dickhead and not worthy of intelligent conversation.
I laughed!
Posted on 6/20/21 at 2:08 am to Spankum
Dibs for Mouthbreathing Dickhead as my new alter.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 5:07 am to Jcorye1
quote:Perhaps as 'boomers' did for their parents?
it seems to be a recurring theme to where Boomer parents expect their children to completely drop everything to come care for them
and those parents did for their own parents?
and so forth?
Posted on 6/20/21 at 5:30 am to BabyTac
quote:
The good Ol’ days....when family took care of each other. What were they thinking? The progressive me, me, me generation definitely has it figured out.
That why we used to have "mother-in-law" suites behind the main home.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 5:40 am to East Coast Band
$5,000 to $10,000 a MONTH
More than that if you need serious care. I had to pay for one out of pocket for a couple of years.
More than that if you need serious care. I had to pay for one out of pocket for a couple of years.
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