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Started By
Message
re: Boomers and end of life care
Posted on 6/20/21 at 8:52 am to AUCE05
Posted on 6/20/21 at 8:52 am to AUCE05
quote:
This isn't that hard, you selfish a-hole.
Want to know how I can tell you’ve never cared for anyone in hospice?
Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was physically and emotionally care for my dying Mom in hospice care. The nurses only come a couple times a week and you’re the one doing all of the lifting, cleaning, feeding (if they’re still eating), administering end of life meds, etc.
If you are unable to sit there with a suction bulb while your parent’s organs fail and suction the fluid coming out of their nose, then you don’t need to be there.
0
Posted on 6/20/21 at 8:56 am to SquatchDawg
Not sure what to say - we’ve dealt with this my grandma and grandpa - but we always took care of them.
Grandpa lived with us at the end, even though he died in the hospital and my mom moved in with my grandma at the end.
My mother lives with us, she is not terribly old but it’s best she’s not by herself
Grandpa lived with us at the end, even though he died in the hospital and my mom moved in with my grandma at the end.
My mother lives with us, she is not terribly old but it’s best she’s not by herself
Posted on 6/20/21 at 8:57 am to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
The nursing home explosion occurred in the 50's when government funds became available.
Accurate. By the 1980’s most states put a moratorium on the building of nursing homes because there were so many. Even today you can’t build one that is Medicaid and Medicare certified without a certificate of need approved by the state.
Some states have lifted that to allow for open market competition which is good for the consumer, but not LA
Posted on 6/20/21 at 8:59 am to SquatchDawg
My grandparents are 95 and slowing down real quick and they refused to leave their friends and move in with my parents in La or uncle in Tx about 10 years ago when they moved around better and now they are stuck up in Tennessee and their friends are all dead, they can't get to their church, they can't drive so we all have to go up there alot. I don't mind it, but I mean it is sad, these are no boomers, he was in WW2 and they both grew up barefoot poor in Denham springs during the deppression so he's always got good stories of the old days. Then again, my boomer parents and boomer aunt and uncle drive 13 hours/ fly up there routinely to try to take care of them. So its not all on boomers.
TLDR: it sucks but maybe try to imagine dying and having no-one familiar there to take care of you. It's not just a boomer thing and if you think boomers are bad imagine some of these young people today in that situation and what they'd expect.
TLDR: it sucks but maybe try to imagine dying and having no-one familiar there to take care of you. It's not just a boomer thing and if you think boomers are bad imagine some of these young people today in that situation and what they'd expect.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:00 am to SquatchDawg
quote:
I thought this was just his personality but the more we talk about this with friends it seems to be a recurring theme to where Boomer parents expect their children to completely drop everything to come care for them and will not consider nursing or going to a facility.
It is a heart wrenching situation and I’m sympathetic to these individuals I love but what is it with this generation to where they think their kids should walk away from their families rather than them bite the bullet and secure nursing or other care to take care of them? Especially when they choose to stay at home and hire help but when the time comes they refused to do so.
I hope you teach your children better so that they know ahead of time to toss your miserable selfish arse in a stinking nursing home and go on about their week in Destin.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:02 am to SquatchDawg
I'd try to get some sort of rotation worked out between you, your wife, and if you have older/grown-up kids to watch him. Do you have any nurses in your family? Just a thought?
My mom lives an hr/45 away, my MIL an hr.and a half, so they ain't bad, but my stepmum is 12 hrs./750 miles away up home in Pittsburgh so I am not looking forward to having to try to take care of her when the time comes. Thankfully her son(my stepbrother) and wife live 20 mins.away.
My mom lives an hr/45 away, my MIL an hr.and a half, so they ain't bad, but my stepmum is 12 hrs./750 miles away up home in Pittsburgh so I am not looking forward to having to try to take care of her when the time comes. Thankfully her son(my stepbrother) and wife live 20 mins.away.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:02 am to SquatchDawg
I have been there. Seventy two yo female had stroke and was in the hospital for a little over a month.
My son arranged for FMLA so he could be here when I was able to come home. He got 2 DAYS off and I managed the house and the 2 bug dogs while walking with a walker. Now, I have someone clean house and mow lawn but other than that I am handling it.
ps, I have good insurance and also have a long term care policy where I could remain in my home with providers coming in.
My son arranged for FMLA so he could be here when I was able to come home. He got 2 DAYS off and I managed the house and the 2 bug dogs while walking with a walker. Now, I have someone clean house and mow lawn but other than that I am handling it.
ps, I have good insurance and also have a long term care policy where I could remain in my home with providers coming in.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:11 am to SteelerBravesDawg
I think another variable here is the distance that offspring have to venture away from where they were raised in order to provide for a family.
Mobility wasn't nearly as much of an issue back in the day, family was nearby. Not the case anymore, especially if you're in a rural environment.
Mobility wasn't nearly as much of an issue back in the day, family was nearby. Not the case anymore, especially if you're in a rural environment.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:17 am to SquatchDawg
Greatest Generation: "I don't want to be a burden on anyone"
Boomers: "Everyone needs to quit their jobs and move back here to take care of me because I don't want to spend my own money on home health/hospice."
Boomers: "Everyone needs to quit their jobs and move back here to take care of me because I don't want to spend my own money on home health/hospice."
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:33 am to dbeck
quote:
Greatest Generation: "I don't want to be a burden on anyone"
Boomers: "Everyone needs to quit their jobs and move back here to take care of me because I don't want to spend my own money on home health/hospice."
The greatest generation let their elders live with them which in those years and years before that was the norm and let to multigenerational families under one roof.
My parents, greatest generation, did just that and my siblings and I have done that for our parents and as for several of us, me included have done it for in laws.
And OP can look at it as a bonus-if he doesn’t want to spend his money when the old man is dead, as I’m sure he’s ready for him to be, his wife should inherit what he didn’t give to the government or a private nursing home.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:36 am to Martini
quote:
The greatest generation let their elders live with them which in those years and years before that was the norm and let to multigenerational families under one roof.
My parents, greatest generation, did just that and my siblings and I have done that for our parents and as for several of us, me included have done it for in laws.
And OP can look at it as a bonus-if he doesn’t want to spend his money when the old man is dead, as I’m sure he’s ready for him to be, his wife should inherit what he didn’t give to the government or a private nursing home.
The OP already said he tried to get him to move in with his family and he’s refusing. He will only be satisfied if they quit their jobs and go to him.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:45 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
The OP already said he tried to get him to move in with his family and he’s refusing. He will only be satisfied if they quit their jobs and go to him.
Meh...I believe the OP might be embellishing his story.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:53 am to SquatchDawg
Time to yeet that life support.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 9:55 am to SquatchDawg
And this is why you buy long term care insurance.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 10:01 am to SquatchDawg
Maybe he should spend every last cent on his care, including a reverse mortgage, then not have anything to leave to his heirs.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 10:02 am to Mike da Tigah
quote:
Happy Fathers Day
It is. And same to you. I’m looking across the room at my 94 year old father in law playing with his great granddaughter and enjoying my wife’s homemade biscuits.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 10:06 am to SquatchDawg
I took care of my folks when they were dying.
I took care of my kid growing up. Still take care of her. Told her this morning I would do the brakes on her car. Didn't tell her, but I am also going to put a set of tires on it for her.
Goes around. Comes around.
I took care of my kid growing up. Still take care of her. Told her this morning I would do the brakes on her car. Didn't tell her, but I am also going to put a set of tires on it for her.
Goes around. Comes around.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 10:07 am to SquatchDawg
He doesn't want to hire help because it takes away from what he intend to pass on to the kids. This is very important to him. He isn't being selfish at all. When a parent gets older they don't have the same reasoning or outlook as you do at your age. I know what's it's like because I am dealing with some of the same issues with my mother. It's maddening, frustrating and gut wrenching. I just have to remind myself constantly that this woman gave up a lot of her life to raise me and my sisters.
Posted on 6/20/21 at 10:08 am to SavageOrangeJug
Shod have taken her to Omaha.
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